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Tarnish

Maybe I’ve just become too old and jaded. It’s started to bug me that a good portion of my recent additions here are some form of negativity, reaction to it or not. Perhaps my expectations of others are unrealistic…but the list of people with whom I can share artistry and feel completely free is growing thinner.

I view myself as an artist. I don’t have a “rate”…I don’t even know that I want one. I don’t really want to pimp my name out ad nauseam so that I can garner enough exposure to start listing payment fees that I can be bought at. What will that make me? A “professional”? Meh.

The word only describes how your financial income pie-chart is divided and how much of it is fractioned off to photography. It says nothing about the motivations of the “professional”…the depth of their art…how personal it is to them. There are “professionals” who have a clear, pure vision and genuine life to their work and then there are “professionals” who clearly just whored their name and work out for enough exposure to be able to say they’re limiting their TFP and can be paid for their time according to X number(s). I don’t want to be that person. I learned a while back how to discern people for whom the art is primary on the other side of the lens…perhaps it’s starting to fall into place the type of people to whom it applies on this side.

I don’t want to be purchased. I want to be inspired. Pay me that way.

And, yet again…I feel like I’m succumbing to negativity. Or maybe I’m trying to convince myself I’m not quite as much the misanthrope I really am. Granted, finding out that certain people feel motivated to turn personal/private issues in my life into public crusades of their own does kind of fuel my propensity for ire…but that really shouldn’t be what this all is about.

On the bright side, these experiences are probably going to launch a project I have in mind. Now, to get it rolling, I’ll just need to transcend another idiosyncrasy of mine…

procrastination.

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